How To Be Powerful & Still Feel Fabulously Feminine
We’ve come a long way baby - from secretaries to CEO’s, from housewives to domestic Goddesses. Now it’s time to celebrate the changes…as only a Woman can do!

Back in the 60’s, when the concept of “liberated woman” was just coming into fashion, we burned our bras and staged rebellions. No one was going to tell us what to do or how to do it. We had the brains, the stamina and now, we had the ambition too. Not that there hadn’t always been women in the forefront of things – pioneers that threw caution to the wind, risking condemnation by the many in pursuit of their art, their science, or their athleticism. But they were the few, not the standard. And somehow most people assumed those women weren’t very content in their private lives because they had given up a “normal” relationship for some odd dream. “Well, good luck to them”, many of us would think, “but that’s not for me”.

Then the 60’s happened and out we came. It would all be different now, we imagined – better - more satisfying. We would finally feel complete. Accomplished. We would be the ones in charge. Well, it didn’t exactly turn out that way.

What Is Real Power Anyway?

By the time women began entering the work force in new, more aggressive ways, we’d gotten confused about what so-called “real power” was supposed to look like. For the most part, the only actual role models we had were male. At that point power looked like urgency about money plus overwhelming need for control. That should be our focus too, we reasoned.

If we’re going to play the part, we should look the part, we thought. Makes sense. So, we dressed like men, worked like men, tried to think like men and taking an eager racing stance, propelled ourselves forward with our manly intentions tightly grasped in our hungry feminine fingers.

The Awful Truth

Please forgive this extreme characterization but, in fact, it’s not far off: secretaries (as usual) showed their figures, while women CEO’s hid theirs; “sensible” was preferred and intuitive was minimized; put your career first and the rest of your life (and development) second, was the credo. Eventually, we women started hugely resembling the very men we’d always most resented. And that is the awful truth.

More recently, however, many of us have come to realize that in our great grunt towards power, we've short-changed ourselves. We’ve begun to see that while thumping against and even sometimes cracking open various glass ceilings we have, sadly enough, discarded some of the best parts of ourselves – have off-handedly scattered those parts across our smooth polished upwardly mobile floors, like old despised photos of past lovers we’re ashamed to remember.

But The Times, They Are A’Changin’

Now, the time has come to put our feminine power where our mouths are! We must stop imitating men long enough to truly realize the unique resources and strengths we women bring to the party. And we need to celebrate the special qualities that define us as the extraordinary gender we are. After all, it is those qualities that allowed us to endure the harsh prairie hardships; till the soil with babies on our hips; multi-task like nobody’s business; often understand what’s needed and wanted before the person we’re dealing with even recognizes it himself; lean gloriously and successfully on our fabulous intuition; nurture wherever possible; explore, examine and exhibit true service; and most of all, do what we do best - be in relationship to the world around us.

But What About Having a Partner??

Still, other problems abound. For instance, there’s the pesky personal relationship problem. Yes, we have more career options than ever before, our salaries are rising and our self-esteem (sometimes) is rising too. But where, oh where, are the partners who can “handle” the new women we are becoming?

Time after time couples sit in my office with the same [underlying] complaint: “I feel…” he says bravely, after we plow through the chit chat, the distracting issues and really finally get down to it:     “I feel diminished by the fact that she’s making more money and is more successful than me.”     “Well, that’s not my fault!” she answers testily. “You’d do better if you tried harder. I mean, should I give up my job just so you can feel like a real man!”

Ouch. Again, the point’s been missed by both of them. Her reaction is dripping with guilt. Actually, she’s not really certain yet if she deserves all she’s accomplishing. She is just now trying to get used to being treated with respect and has not yet realized that respecting herself is an essential part of the equation. Besides which, underneath it all, she’s terrified that she is just too much for him and therefore, at the end of the tale, will hit the finish line abandoned and alone.

Meantime, he’s wagging his finger at her when he should really be investigating his own relationship to the concept of contribution. She’s not denying him access to his sense of manhood – he is. (Just for the record, I’m not much on the side of finger pointing. Male or female, it’s much more empowering all around to take responsibility for what has happened rather than assign blame to anyone else).

Truthfully, though, men these days have a perfect right to be confused. After all, the rules basically changed while their backs were turned. How are they now supposed to “prove” their worth? If and when they are not the main producers, what are their roles? When do they step up and when do they step out? In the final analysis couples today have to figure out their own rules. Most importantly, they need to learn ever more productive ways to each express their unique voices! It’s essential to remember that the way we treat ourselves is the way we can expect to be treated.

Role Play

On top of all the other confusions, lately there’s been a corporate woman backlash. The pendulum always swings. Now women are going back to the kitchen, and diaper-changing and homemaking. Why? Because we have the option to do so! For the point is not where we as powerful women, SHOULD be – the point is where do we want to be? We have the ability to be as effective in the board room as in the bedroom or in the babies room. And, gratefully now, we have the choice to be proudly, wonderfully, vividly female everywhere.

We are Women. Hear us.

Tags: women, feminism, power, choice, liberation, glass ceiling, options, the 60’s, role models, women’s intuition, assets.