“You’ve Come A Long Way, Baby” … from secretaries to CEOs, housewives to domestic goddesses, kitchen table conversations to primetime network hosts. Now it’s time to celebrate the changes … as only a woman can do!

Back in the ’60s, when the concept of “liberated woman” was just coming into fashion, we burned our bras and staged rebellions. No one was going to tell us what to do or how to do it. We had brains, stamina and now, we had outspoken ambition too.

Not that there hadn’t always been women in the forefront of things – pioneers that threw caution to the wind, risking condemnation by the many in pursuit of art, science, or athleticism. But they were the exception. And somehow, most people assumed those women weren’t very content in their private lives. After all, they’d given up a “normal” relationship for some odd dream. “Well, good luck to them,” many would think, “but that’s not for me.”

Then the ‘60s happened, and out we popped. It would all be different now, we insisted: better, more satisfying. We would finally feel complete. Accomplished. We would be the ones in charge. Well, it didn’t exactly turn out that way.

What’s Real Power Anyway? 

When women began tapping at glass ceilings, we dumped into major confusion. What should real power look like? We grimly scowled and grimaced. Most of our role models, after all, were male. On them, power looked like grabbing for control. And money-clamoring. And proving a point.

Well then, if we’re going to play the part, we should look the part, we thought. Makes sense. So, we dressed like men, worked like men, tried to think like men, and, taking an eager racing stance, propelled ourselves forward with our manly intentions tightly grasped in our hungry feminine fingers.

The Awful Truth

Please forgive this extreme characterization, but it’s not far off: secretaries (as usual) showed their figures, while women CEOs hid theirs; “sensible” was preferred, and intuitive was minimized. The credo rang out: put your career first and the rest of your life second.

Eventually, women started resembling the men they’d always most resented. And that’s the awful truth.    

More recently, however, many of us have come to realize that in our great grunt towards power, we’ve short-changed ourselves – have discarded our best parts, off-handedly scattering them across our smooth, polished, upwardly mobile floors like old, despised photos of past lovers we’re ashamed to remember.

The Times, They Are A ’Changin’

Finally, we’ve begun to put our feminine power where our mouths are, and the current female Political office holder stats, for instance, are astounding: 1 U.S Vice President; 11 of 25 Cabinet and cabinet-level members; 4 of 9 Supreme Court Justices; 150 of 535 seats in Congress; 25 of 100 Senate seats; 125 of 435 U.S. House of Representatives; 4 of 5 U.S. Delegates; 12 of 50 Governors; 22 of 43 Lieutenant Governors; 65 of 217 Other elected executives; 590 1973 seats in State Senates; 1836 of 5,413 seats State House Assemblies; 433 of 1616 Mayors. All-in-all, women now occupy approximately 30% of our elected political landscape in the U.S. – the highest percentage in history. Wow. Not bad considering only 104 years ago, women couldn’t even vote. And that doesn’t even include Private Sector successful female Entrepreneurs, CEOs, artists, plus.

So what happened? Among other things, I believe a contributing factor is that we’ve stopped imitating men long enough to realize the unique resources and strengths we women possess; stopped thinking powerful means manful and begun to celebrate the special qualities that define us as the extraordinary gender we are. After all, it’s those qualities that allowed us to endure the harsh prairie hardships and till the soil with babies on our hips, multi-task like nobody’s business, and often understand what’s needed and wanted before the person we’re dealing with even recognizes it himself; lean gloriously and successfully on our fabulous intuition; nurture wherever possible; explore, examine and exhibit true service; and most of all, do what we do best – establish reliable, coherent flow through relationships.

But What About Having a Partner?

Still, there’s the pesky personal relationship problem. Yes, we have more career options than ever; our salaries are rising, and our self-esteem is often rising, too. But where, oh where, are the partners who can “handle” the new women we are becoming?

Time after time, couples sit in my office with the same underlying complaint. he says bravely, after we plow through the chit chat, the distracting issues, and finally get down to it, “I feel diminished by the fact that she’s making more money and is more successful than me.”

“Well, that’s not my fault!” she answers testily. “You’d do better if you tried harder. I mean, should I give up my job just so you can feel like a real man!”

Ouch. Again, the point’s been missed by both of them.

Her reaction is dripping with guilt. Actually, she’s not really certain yet if she deserves all she’s accomplishing. She’s just now trying to get used to being treated with respect and has not yet realized that respecting herself is an essential part of the equation. Besides, underneath it all, she’s terrified she’s just too much for him, and at the end of the tale, she’ll hit the finish line abandoned and alone.

Meantime, he’s wagging his finger at her when he should be investigating his own relationship to the concept of contribution. She’s not denying him access to his sense of manhood – he is. The key is for each of them to take responsibility for their own decisions, attitudes, contributions, and reactions.

Truthfully, though, men these days have a perfect right to be confused. After all, the rules changed while their backs were turned. How are they now supposed to “prove” their worth? If and when they are not the main producers, what are their roles? When do they step up and when do they step out?

In the final analysis, couples must figure out their own rules today, both as individuals and partners. Often, we expect others to treat us better than we treat ourselves, but it doesn’t work that way; feeling good in the world starts with feeling good in ourselves.

It’s Your Choice

As could be expected, lately, there’s been a power-broker woman backlash, meaning just because we can become high achievers at the office doesn’t mean we want to. Sometimes, diaper changing and homemaking are just the right fit. You see, we have options! The point is not about where a powerful woman belongs – the point is about where, how, and who a powerful woman wants to be. Butcher, Baker, Candlestick-maker – Congresswoman, CEO, Homemaker? We can be as effective in the boardroom as in the bedroom or the baby’s room. Yes, gratefully now, we have choices – the choice to be proudly, wonderfully, vividly, powerfully female everywhere. We are Women. Hear us!